At the recent UK premiere of Tom Cruise's latest film , " War of the Worlds " , Tom Cruise got squirted with water at the red carpet by a bogus journalist .

If you ask me , i would rather Katie Holmes be one that was squirted, clearly she's the one that is in need to be "exorcised" with "holy water" . Tom is just too far gone to be saved .

Be sure to check out the video clip . I just love it when all these celebrities get pissed .

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Mariah Carey claims that she has had sex with less than 5 people .

"I would need less than the fingers of one hand to count them all.

"I have had lots of boyfriends, but I did not have sex with most of them."

It's not easy coming out to say that you're sexually inexperienced in the industry , so we shall try to be good souls here and believe her . Afterall , can you even imagine what a 5 octave orgasm sounds like ??

So Mariah , since we're all being honest and everything , how many times did you have oral sex ? I'm sure you do more with your mouth than make multi-platinium albums .

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It's becoming apparently that Tom Cruise is just looking for any female that can be remotely interested in the idea of Scientology and will buy his bullshit . Nicole Kidman & Penelope Cruz sure didn't . Same goes for Scarlett Johansson .

Tom Cruise , henceforth known as the evil Scientologist apparent tried to scam on Scarlett by having dinner together at the Scientology Celebrity Centre in LA .

It's great to know that there are still beautiful and equally intelligent actresses out there . Guess that rules Katie out doesn't it ?

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It seems Tom Cruise fever has taken over and Lindsay Lohan , at last week's Jay Leno show copied Tom Cruise's exuberant ( or silly ) behaviour by jumping on the couch

Tom Cruise , was jumping for joy for his new found love , now wife to be , Katie Holmes .

Well , Lindsay on the other hand, just wanted us to see her boobs . Or the lack of boobs . Where did her boobs go to ? She oughta get a refund for her implants .

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Avril oughta stay off the alcohol for good , she absolutely doesn't make any sense and just so deluded . As if anyone gives a damn whether she's alcholic or whether you look like a rock star or not .

"Some paparazzi took some pictures and now everybody thinks I'm an alcoholic .... One good thing, it makes me look more like a rock star."

If Avril thinks looking all drunk and wasted makes her look like a rock star , then i guess she's on the right track . Why stop there ? Continue to be coked-up whore and start slashing your wrists for the complete rock star look . Sheesh .

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Jacko wil throw a party for his fans that have supported and stood by him during his child molestation trial .

The party comes complete with tight security and no media , but well , u know how these things are , it's only a matter of time before errant photos start popping out , especially with MJ going broke and all

Psst. We hear , children below the age of 12 are not allowed .

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Just in from Paris . Tom Cruise has proposed to Katie Holmes and the pair is all set to get married , not marriage date has been set .

*Of course no dates has been set . Imagine the horrors of the wedding planners if the wedding was called off .

Katie , having said that she grew up wanting to "marry tom cruise" is now getting her cake . Everyone's into the Demi Moore & Aston Kutcher thing . The poor young girl of 26 is going to marry a 42 year old Cruise.

All the of the Free Katie Movement as gone to waste . This psychotic scientologist has finally got his way.

We can only wait ( and take bets ) whether their marriage will live out to Dakota Fanning's blessings of wish them the happiest marriage that anyone has ever had"

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According to Tom Cruise, ex Spice-Girl , Victoria Beckhams has what it takes to be a great movie actress .

"You are witty, have great comic timing and a fantastic accent.

"You have great potential to be a huge Hollywood star."

Hahahhahahhahaha .. Laugh with me . Come'on , everyone needs some happiness in their lifes .

Tom oughta know better . Can't he just be contented with Katie Holmes . Stop scamming on British as well .

If Ms Featherbrained Beckhams can make it as a huge movie star , so can i . Heck , so can the chimpanzees at the zoo .

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Check out the some of the filthy rich celebrities as reported by Forbes .

1. Oprah Winfrey, $225 million
2. Tiger Woods, $87 million
3. Mel Gibson, $185 million
4. George Lucas, $290 million
5. Shaquille O'Neal, $33 million
6. Steven Spielberg, $80 million
7. Johnny Depp, $37 million
8. Madonna, $50 million
9. Elton John, $44 million
10. Tom Cruise $31 million

Now , just stop and think for a second there . Add up all the money they have earned . What what do u get ? Yep . Probably the total GDP for some third world country .

Rich bastards .

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Ms Lohan claims that she has a healthy eating appetite and that in fact , she eats a lot , but of what exactly , one might wonder ..

"I've never been one not to eat because I eat so much," she said, rather confusingly.

So let's make a guess here .
1) She eats a lot of air
2) She eats a lot of celery
3) She eats a lot of dieting pills

If you eat a lot of real food lindsay , where has it got to ? the sink ?

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Everyone's favourite media whore is intending to end her whoring ways and settle down and start a family in 2 years.

"I thought it was cute to play a dumb blonde. On TV, I do it because it's funny. I consider myself a businesswoman and a brand."

A businesswoman and a brand . Paris , selling your cheap self on the tabloids and sex tapes is not what a businesswoman is , and god , what brand are u ? the sluttier than thou brand ?

Honestly , i don't believe her . I'm sure this is just one of her ways of just whoring air time . Who wants to bet that 2 years and 1 month later , we'll see Paris on Paris in nightvision again ?

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According to TIME magazine , Christina Aguilera's music has been used as part of the interrogation tactics for Mohammed al Qahtani, the so-called 20th hijacker - an alleged acquaintance of Osama bin Laden and an intended participant in the September 11 attacks.

"The quizzing of al-Qahtani often started at midnight, Time magazine reports. He was woken up by having water dripped on his head or Aguilera's music played."

Who i am to criticise about the tactics of the US Military but i think if they want a tip , stop playing the music . Show them the picture instead.

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if you havent heard, Mr Black nor White is acquitted of all charges in the recent child molestation case .

Hopefully , Jacko wacko will now learn to keep his nose ( or whatever that's left it of it ) and hands off young children. I seriously do not want to see his frightening face appear on the media anymore . If he wants to , he'l most welcome to wear a towel over his head.

i just love how they say"His face difficult to read right now,"

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There is something extremely heinous about watching pornography in disneyland, yet people manage to defy all normal social conventions.

What was he doing alone in the hotel suite watching porn is anyone's guess . Imagine if Britney and the rest walk in on him doing himself . Geez , i wonder what would britney say ....

"Enough of being Aladdin, no more rubbing the magic lamp "

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"Hey ya'll , i finally got a new 5.5 diamond ring from that slug of a husband of mine ! Look Look ! . I'm so excited , wayy better than the hot sex we have together !

*dances around in glee*

My wonderful husband is just a darliing . Hmm , i wonder where he gets his money from ? .. He's on my payroll ain't it ? .. Ah well , beter spend my money on me than those cheap vegas strippers .

"tra-la-la ... "


Okay Britney , time for your meds .

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You've seen how psychotic Tom Cruise is over the past few weeks , his scary spilt personality has freaked viewers all over world. Jumping up and down on numerous TV sets with a crazed look in his eyes.

Now you can make a difference. Free katie from the clutches from this evil scientist scientologist . Do your part now .

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A wise friend always told me , "if you think money can't buy happiness , you're probably shopping at the wrong place"

With the launch of her 5th children's book " Lotsa de Casha ", Madonna attempts to inculcate the right values in young children in explaining to them that "When you learn to share, you will not only find happiness. You will also find a friend."

Well of course , money can't buy you happiness . Money can buy you botox injections , nice versace outfits , and create enough fluff to proof yourself as a credible author .

"Coz we are living in a material world .. " Well , You know the rest .

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As the heir to the Hilton fortune, we know that Paris has to make very important decisions on a day to day basis .
- Should i make a sex tape tonight ?
- Should i steal my own sex tape later ?
- What hideous dress should i wear today ?
- Should act like a whore or slut today ?

The 24-year-old blonde has told pals she can't choose between the two diamond bands fiancé Paris Latsis bought from her favourite jewellers Harry Winston and Tiffany.

Seriously Paris , for once in your life you can choose either options and the decision will still be right and you can't make your mind ??

i have a theory, that the only reason why Paris Hilton loves Paris Latsis so much is because of her narcissitic tendencies .. "gd morning paris , you look lovely today " either way , she wins .

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With the constant coverage that TomKat is getting , one can't help but wonder what Nicole Kidman has to say about the their relationship .

"The 'Cold Mountain' star was careful not to pass judgment ..... , she said: "In terms of your life, if you start to exploit it, then what's real and what's not? What's yours and what isn't?"

*dramatic pause of enlightenment .

Is it me , or that did not make a single ounce of sense ? Nicole stop with the botox already . It's getting to your brain .

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You know the world is in the trouble when major stars like Brad Pitt decide to dye his hair the same sickly colour the Lindsay Lohan sports .

We have to seek out this errant hairdresser and erradicate him immediately . Where's the hair gestapo when you need one ?

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